Home Should Be Safe- personal post re: abuse

This is a bit of a personal piece regarding domestic violence. I don’t write it for sympathy. I write it hoping someone out there will listen and help not only save themselves, but their kid(s) as well.

People say often, ‘home is where the heart is’- and I can’t say I disagree. If it is true, my heart is split in half and in two locations. One is where I grew up in America with the woman whom raised me and I call my mom (for that is exactly what she is). The other is in England with my soul’s twin, my best friend, the most wonderful person I know…my husband.

I feel I am always broken. If I am in the US I am missing my husband to the point of heartbreak, and in the UK I am not only missing my mother, but worrying myself sick.

My mom is in her 70s and has remained in a severely abusive relationship for 50 some odd years. The torment of living there in those conditions is too much for me anymore, I’ve witnessed it for 20 some years and am ready for a happier life.

But I will NEVER have that life until she leaves her abuser. An abuser that tried to take her life a few days after I came to England for Christmas with my husband.

I am due to return to the states soon, but I feel little joy. I do miss the US when I am in the UK, I miss my mom, my dog, my ‘stuff’- but this time the ticket was booked under the false pretense that she had finally left her abuser. Only to find out a week or so ago she has let him back in, and is not leaving.

I’ve survived all sorts of abuse since infancy- but nothing has hurt my soul as deeply as watching the woman I love and have spent so many years trying to protect be controlled and abused. Severely, at that.

Staying in the UK is not an option at this point, sadly it is not that easy plus I do have life in America to deal with. But even if I stay here my husband’s job drives me to self destructive behaviors -this is not his fault, this is no ones fault- but it is something I can’t control. Mentally it is also something I am not sure I can handle -the hours alone when he is called in for work tears at my nerves… I wish more than anything in this universe my husband would go back to the states with me while all this is going on. He is my only comfort.

I feel rather homeless. I can’t stay in the UK, and I don’t see how I am going to survive back home in the states.

The point of my writing this is: if you are in an abusive relationship but use the weak excuse of “staying for the kids”- you are only screwing your kids up more. Leave. Get out. I don’t care how old you are and I know it is not as easy as just escaping. But it is done by others and you can do it, too.

I wish my mom had that same strength. I thought she did. Maybe all the years of abuse have made her think this is what she deserves, -even though it isn’t- NO one deserves it.

Either way, I feel broken- and all she had to do was leave but she turned the opportunity down. If you are in an abusive relationship, please don’t punish your kid(s) the same way. I know she hasn’t done it on purpose, she is doing what she thinks is best. But I’m saying this hoping ANYONE will listen to me when I say; LEAVE- staying in abuse is not good for you NOR your children, regardless of age.


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