What it is like to live with a true sociopath. Are there words to describe it?… Many people ask me why I randomly vanish for weeks at a time, this is a brief overview of why…
Most people hear the word sociopath and think immediately of serial killers. Actually, they are more common than most think living among us harmlessly; and then there are those that wear ‘sheep’s clothing’ when outdoors, but behind closed doors at ‘home’ turn into something worse than the “devil.” Me and my mom alike know this all too well.
They are charming, they can win you over in a second and make you second guess even your most confident step if you’re not careful. They are clever; but despite the terrible side of them, they always have a choice on whom they choose to mimic. Sadly,
the one in my me and my mother’s lives decided to go down the hateful path.
Sociopaths and Psychopaths alike are very misunderstood by most of society,falling in the “anti-social personality disorder” group. Without a conscience or emotion, they simply mimic those around them. They, in essence, choose whom they want to mimic; thus whom they want to ‘pretend’ to be and how they want to treat others.
Sadly, there is a diagnosed sociopath that the world loves within the very little family I have, and he is the most horrible abuser I’ve ever seen. Charming, flattering and making the world fall in love with him; while behind doors a complete monster towards the woman whom raised me; he has been doing this for over 50 years now.
I’ve tried to help her get away; but there is something about sociopaths that brainwash their victims. Prior meeting my amazing husband, I dated, for almost a decade, an abuser. While he was horrific, I’ve never, ever seen anything like what my Mom has to go through; and I think there are probably very few that can understand her story.
With that said, one of, if not the hardest thing for me to have to learn throughout my life, both childhood and now, is that I cannot force her to leave, thus I cannot “save her”- a dream I’ve had forever. I also realize by coming back here I made a vicious mistake that has only made my heart and soul more anguished; and though I will never abandon her, it is time for me to realize there is nothing more I can do and return to my husband.
I want to open a “funding” page but I’m a bit afraid to… Research proves children witnessing domestic abuse and violence end up having the same amount of emotional damage done has the victim (I would even argue more; nothing is worse than watching the one you love more than anything be hurt and know you can’t do anything to help).
But if I started a “funding page” would people understand this? I just need a little more money to get back home with my husband, we are by no means rich, I spend the majority of my time working non-profit…and I wouldn’t have it any other way. But it has me trapped, and this place is starting to take its toll on me like never before; I’ve never needed so frantically to escape. Would anyone care? And how could I repay anyone for such kindness?
In any case, currently I am working on a book regarding sociopaths in the family that are violent and abusive. I’ll be publishing it via amazon kindle ideally within the next month or two for 50 – 99 cents for those interested. It comes not only from personal experience, but also from a student of psychology.
This is why I tend to disappear for random bits of time. Sometimes the coping process is too much, and I apologize for that and I also thank all the subscribers, followers, etc for staying with me for the greater purpose of this blog and my YouTube channel.
I will have more posts up very soon as well as videos… Please understand, I have tons of emails and messages to respond to; thank you all once again for hanging in there with me, there are no words to express my gratitude 🙂