Let me first make this clear: I am not encouraging, nor discouraging, abortion in this post. In summary, I am saying, having an abortion is not wrong, it is not evil or bad. I am saying, if at this stage (or that stage, if you’ve had one) you know having a child isn’t right for you at that time for whatever reason; WHATEVER reason.. THAT IS OKAY AND THAT DOES NOT MAKE YOU A KILLER; YOU ARE NOT A BAD WOMAN! The answer to if you are ready for motherhood or if you should have an abortion is in your heart.
Something to remember: bringing a life is a very big deal- it’s not like taking care of a puppy or a new dog. So it is only NORMAL for women to consider whether or not they are able, ready or even want to have a child. IT IS LIFE CHANGING! Not just for you, but if you give birth, for that soul as well.
I love my nephews, but at the end of the day I can give them back to their parents, the parents deal with the hard stuff. That changes when you are the mother; when you’ve been forced to have a child. The one thing I think worse is when women keep an unwanted pregnancy in hopes that it will fix their relationship or marriage. Not only does it not fix anything (actually, it adds), but it puts an innocent soul in the middle of something they didn’t need to be in the middle of. It puts an innocent soul in your hands and shouldn’t be used as a tool to keep someone with you. You can’t “trap” someone in a relationship of any sort by giving birth.
Make no mistake; men can and do just walk away and for some reason society accepts that. However, when a woman is trying to be responsible by realizing pregnancy is not going to fix or mend anything. Not to mention how unfair it is to use a child as a pawn to get what you want from your partner. Women that realize this or just realize they don’t want a kid for ANY reason; we get harassed and verbally abused, some are abandon by their partner upon realizing how hard it is to take care of a baby.
It changes the woman, and if married or in a relationship, it changes the partnership. I may not yet be a mother, but I have no doubt women would agree it is the hardest job ever- a job that doesn’t stop because it is 6pm or because you are exhausted. You are raising a life, you are responsible for another human being the moment the first breath is drawn for at least 18 years.
In no way does having an abortion for ANY reason make you less of a woman or person… If you have had an abortion or are considering having an abortion, I am sure you are doing it because for one reason or another, it is not right for you and/or the fetus. Your future, your life; be it finishing school, getting to the point in your career your want to be, wanting to wait until you are ready / until you can settle down or until you can provide a stable environment for a child…Realizing that a child needs constant love and attention and then coupling that with the fact that you don’t have the time, desire, energy, space or whatever other reason… DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD WOMAN!
If anything, I consider the above putting the fetus before oneself…which isn’t always easy, but in certain situations may be the morally right thing to do both for yourself and the fetus. Those who oppose abortion must realize the actual life of a child and mother matter. What happens after giving birth matters, the world they will be in matters…Fairy tales aren’t going to save anyone at this moment.
Realizing it is not right for you, no matter what your reason, does not make you a bad woman. In fact, refusing to be forced into motherhood is admirable in my eyes.
If you want to have it, cool.
If you don’t, that’s fine as well, and requires just a medical procedure to terminate. Whichever method of procedure used does not make you a bad person or a grotesque, ‘evil’ killer. It’s the opposite actually.
It makes you a responsible woman.You don’t just make a choice without reason. Whatever the reason it is your reason, and that is good enough.
There is no right or wrong way to respond to having an abortion; not before or after. Every one of us are different and have this medical procedure done for our own reasons; so there is NOT one response to abortion. Do some regret it? Of course, but it is rare according to professional research, statistics and my own experience.
Can you have children later? Despite what anti’s say, yes, you can. Abortion that is safe (aka, legal) and performed by someone that knows what they are doing (aka, a professional or midwife) does not take away your ability to get pregnant or have children in the future. Anti’s seem to forget, abortion is only dangerous for a woman and her ability to have children in the future when done by someone who doesn’t know what they are doing performs it, or, when the only other option was for the abortion to be self induced. From the early 1900s to 1973 women suffered and died because abortion was illegal. It was risky to find help and when you did, you were putting your trust into a strangers hand. A stranger that may or may not know what to do. Self induced with coat hangers and other methods were just as dangerous, if not perhaps more.
It is the abortions performed illegally prior Roe V Wade that caused women to suffer with problems during later pregnancies.
This has virtually since ceased with the help of education and abortion clinics. Professionals and doctors whom legally provide abortions are 99.99% of the time just like any other doctor; there to perform the procedure…and they are there because they know what they are doing. There have been bad abortion doctors, but they are in the 1% minority and by no means represent the majority of abortion providers and professionals.
So again, safe (LEGAL) abortion does not put you at risk of later pregnancy issues!!!
Another question I have women ask me how they can grieve over an abortion if it was the right choice… Not all women grieve, in fact the majority feel relief according to statistics, well over 95% if I am not mistaken; but even when feeling relief women can also grieve. That’s okay; grieve all you need. It does not mean you did something wrong or that you are “evil”.
It means, to me, in your heart you wish you didn’t have to make the choice and go through the procedure that is so stigmatized while at the same time so very common (1 in 3 women will have an abortion by age 40). For me it meant having to make a choice I feared would let my loved ones down, a choice I thought would make them all despise me.
I have grown so much since then. Anti-abortionists fuel me to continue to educate women that they are not bad for having or considering abortion in any trimester. One other thing anti’s fail to take into consideration is a lot of late-term abortions have to be done only because the woman had to raise money for the procedure. Because it is a late-term abortion does not make it murder or ‘worse’ than a first trimester abortion.
Though the word “evil” annoys me, since they use it, I’ll carry on with it. True evil rests upon those who try to hurt and control women, from those who actively seek out to bring women down with their lies and fear tactics. Not all anti’s are this way, but I speak of those that are for they are the ones that are the cruel ones. Anyone who would go out or get online to call names and harass another because of differences in opinion is truly a cruel person. We all have different beliefs and that’s fine, I respect that. I am very anti-adoption, but I am pro-choice meaning, I think if you want an adoption instead of an abortion, you have the right to do that. It doesn’t make you a bad person either.
To ME adoption is wrong and far more cruel than abortion. However, for you adoption may seem like a good alternative. I have a strong disagreement with that, but I wouldn’t ever try to stop a woman from doing it for as long as she is doing her best, and listening to herself, her own heart; not me or anti’s or anyone else; then she is doing the best she can.
It is not my place to impose my views on her. Just as it is not anyone’s place to force their religious or personal views on me and all other women. Disagree with me, that’s fine, we can still get along and move on to other things. But when people begin to force their views onto others, only to bring forth hatred if the person refuses to accept what they have to say…That is when I have a problem.
Being called a murderer or evil for having an abortion is not only wrong, it is something they don’t even have research to back up… They use photos of dead BABIES (not a fetus – a child) and try and scare you away from abortion. They have no scientific, medical or other research to prove their claims of it being ‘wrong’ so they curse you from a bible that doesn’t mention abortion… Or perhaps it does, but not in the manner they speak of (see older posts). Or, there are those who simply disagree with it. Again; that’s fine.
I am here not to speak out against those who disagree with me. I write, I make videos and I act as I do to make sure those who are actively hateful and deceitful don’t succeed in making women feel less than they are.
Abortion does not make you a bad person; you are not ‘evil’- you’ve not killed anyone…
You are a good woman, doing the best you can…. Don’t let them drag you down, please. In your heart, you know what is right. Abortion is not something to feel as though you are “evil” or a “murderer” or whatever else anti’s want people to believe. Abortion is a medical procedure that we need to destigmatize.